Dipshit...misfit...why am I such a misfit?

Mr. Elf...or I'll clock you with a toy!

You see that dolly arm? I'll wield it like a fuckin'...machete...

Come to Santa's Play Elf Land, where everyone's an elf. Visit Santa's Factory Workshop and see TOYARAMA! Bathe with the elves in the world's largest solar-heated salt water hot tub. Visit the candy pit, if you dare! Or just plain have fun, and hey Mom & Dad, while the kids are having fun, you can be getting stiff in Santa's Ho-Ho-Hideout and Barbecue Lounge, serving Santa's specialty, Reindeer Ribs. Hey, and have Santa's Sleighbell Slayer on the house!

That's Santa's Play Elf Land, exit 34-J just off the Wahassack Turnpike in Fort Tieconderoga, New York.

This is Vic Morrow, and I'm up here in heaven. And you know what, Bobby, there is no Christmas. Hey, y'know, Santa's dead. You know why? I just killed him, y'hear me? I just killed him.