I have no head for figures,
My hands cannot explain
Endangered animals and acid rain.

I see dead rivers running dry,
I see the activists who march and cry,
Now they cry - singin'

'Why must we desecrate this land?'
I'll tell you why:
Because we can, that's why.

Save the whales, save the seals,
Save the eagle, save the bison and the beach.
Why not save your breath?

Save the porpoise, save the dolphin,
Save the gerbil, save the raccoon and the rat.
Why not save some stamps?

I am a human, I'm a goddamn human being.
I walk erect!
See the cheetah, oh so supple, lean and quick,
As he chases a gazelle.
But he can't drive a car,
At least not very far.

I am a human, I'm a goddamn human being.
I can pay for sex!

"Hey, there's a great show on the Discovery Channel tonight,
The History of the Badger."
"Hmm, I wonder what badger tastes like?"
"I don't know, probably tastes like ferret."
"Wow, you've had ferret?"
"Yeah."
"What's it taste like?"
"Chicken."

I am a human, I'm a goddamn human being.
I can wipe my ass!

"What gives mankind the right to kill at will?
I'll tell you what -- guns,
Big fuckin' guns with giant fuckin' bullets, pal!"

I am a human, I'm a goddamn human being.
I can shave my balls!